Dear diary,
The first week of 2011 has already gone. We celebrated the New Year's Eve, the beginning of 2011th circle of 365 days, the Orthodox Christmas is over too. We are again at the beginning. It's the new and fresh start for all of us. One long and intense decade is over. My Italian decade of life is finished, too. Time runs so quickly, passing by as an old friend, the good old friend of ours who shows us who and what we were, who and what we are, who and what we may become one day. Time which is so precious and it's not to be wasted uselessly. It seems yesterday when I decided to create this blog and almost one year passed since then, since that February day when I began this blogging adventure. Yes, indeed, time is really running so, so, fast.
This was a very strange year, this 2010 we said good-bye to on 1st January. One year, 12 months, 365 days of happiness, joy, sadness and sorrow. A mix of feelings, memories, events, meetings, new and old friends and family members around, good and bad moments. It was the extremely tough year for me, one of those that everyone would like to forget, but I will remember it as the year that gave me some very important life lessons. Although there were so many negative moments, so many tears and sad thoughts, a lot of confusion and crisis I had to pass through, I finally realized who I was, who and what I am today, who and what I would like to become one day. I realized that no matter how much the life might be hard, it's worth of living it in every single moment. I understood that all these negative moments I've lived actually gave me the right input to go on, to fight against my own fears. I finally, although it was such a long road, managed to leave behind my past, to accept myself the way I am, and not to look back but only forward. I became conscious of myself, I stopped ignoring my health problems no matter how small or big they are. I finally can take a look of myself in the mirror and say: "I like what I see. I like every single part of my face, that big brown eyes and nose, and cheeks, even those irregular teeth." I understood that the past can't be changed but that I can live with it without any problem. Nor I can go back and start the university from the beginning and maybe change the subjects I was interested in then. I don't want to deny my "international, diplomatic and Balkan studies" roots, but I also can't abandon the biggest passion of my life which is writing. I may try to connect both areas without going into depression again because of the sense of guilt. I don't want to be again in situation to ask myself: "What would have happened if I didn't choose the international relations field of studies ten years ago?" Everything what I've done in this decade, I've done consciously and in line with my own desires and interests. I also realized that is so stupid isolating myself every time I have problems and I apologize to my friends for constant and frequent silence in 2010. I decided to leave behind not only negative moments but also negative people to whom I was listening maybe too much during these last 12 months.
I want to start this 2011 remembering all these things I learned about my own "I". I want to be surrounded only by dear and precious people that make my life perfect, my mum and dad, my close relatives in Serbia, my old friends that I maybe neglected to much during my black moments like Ljiljana, Katarina and Danijela, or my Italian close friends like Alessandra, Fabiola, Clara and Francesca Piana, or my Belgrade friends, so many of them to be all mentioned. I haven't forgotten my dearest friend Piermario, whose help and support was so important for me during last year, and I will be always grateful to him for being always that kind and patient. It's like a brother for me, the brother I've never had. And of course there is also Jelena, my adopted sister, moja seka, mi hermanita, whose counsels are so precious to me. And Simge, my Turkish sister who is always present, even if we don't speak for weeks, I know that she is there. I want to start this 2011th road of life with a smile, remembering positive moments of last year. The Alessandra's graduation ceremony, for example. Such a perfect day. Or meeting with Edwige and Lydie and their kids. Or those spring days when my Croatian friend Denis visited me. Or all these family gatherings with my relatives who live here in Italy as well, and the perfect Catholic Christmas day we spent all together in Trento. I want to remember the special autumn week when my aunt Jela from Serbia came to visit us, and of course the summer days when we moved to the new flat in via Schmid. I ended 2010 in a great way, Piermario and his wife Francesca finally came from the UK and paid me a visit on 30th December. It's a traditional December meeting that is going on for 3 years, I believe. Fabiola also joined us, although she was very late as usual. I also will remember this last year just passed by as the year of opportunities, as Jelena T. made me realized how much writing was important to me, since she believed in my writing skills and for some time, thanks to her, I can gladly play with words and be creative at the "Wannabe magazine". I will put all moments of 2010, good and bad they were, I deliberately avoided to mention negative aspects of 2010 as the Kraljevo earthquake because just remember of it makes me sad, in the corner of my soul, and open officially the 2011 book of life.
Bye – bye 2010. We are heading together, step by step, towards the future. Where ever this road may take us. It's the time to look forward. The time of change. The time for new starts, new ideas and new dreams. The time for old and new friends, the old and new horizons. The time to enjoy the life, to think positively and to face the new challenges. Let's start this new circle of 12 months and something less than 365 days. Welcome 2011! Please, be better than the previous one. Don't let us down. Paolo Fox says that it's the great year for all Sagittarius people and I believe him. What? You haven't heard about Mr. Fox? Doesn't really matter. Just be the perfect year that I've been waited for too long. I don't ask more.
Good – night my dear friends, where ever you may be now. HAPPY NEW YEAR! May this 2011 bring us together more often. This is my 2011 wish.
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