lunedì 31 gennaio 2011

Cementerio de los libros olvidados

Querido diario,

Aquí estoy, de nuevo, lista para compartir una sugerencia contigo. Hace mucho tiempo te hablé de libros y llegó el momento para hacerlo de nuevo. Otro día me recordé de un libro que mi tía me había prestado en verano y que yo había leído con mucho gusto. La historia de esa novela parte en un cementerio muy extraño que se encuentra en la ciudad de Barcelona de 1945, en el cementerio de los libros olvidados. No sé si de veras existía , nunca tuve el placer de visitar Barcelona y me gustaría hacerlo un día, pero si existiera me hubiera gustado visitarlo. A mí los libros me gustan mucho, fueron mis compañeros fieles por toda la vida, sobre todo en momentos que pasé en hospital. Los libros son mi vida, no es solo una pasión sin la cual no podría vivir. También me gusta escribirlos, publiqué mi primera obra “El virus balcánico” en 2009 y ahora estoy trabajando al nuevo proyecto con el titulo temporáneo “La identidad robada”.

Como dije ya, la historia, el título del libro es “La sombra del viento” y el autor es Carlos Ruiz Zafón, parte desde ese lugar llamado “El cementerio de los libros olvidados”. Un niño de 10 años llamado Daniel es llevado por su padre, librero de profesión, a ese extraño lugar donde se guardan volúmenes de toda época, condición y procedencia, bajo un estricto secreto. Allí Daniel elige un libro de Julián Carax, un autor maldito que a partir de entonces le quitará el sueño y le meterá en más de un problema. Daniel decidirá de descubrir el pasado de Carax, ayudado por un hombre simpático que se llama Fermín Romero de Torres y llegará a vivir la misma vida que el autor maldito vivió. Es una historia apasionada, las invito a leerla. Puede ser un poco irreal al respeto de lo que fue Barcelona de ese periodo, hay personas a cuales esa novela no gustó. A mí, recuerdo, me dio mucha emoción, y la leí con placer. Otra noche encontré en web la versión original de ese libro, en español. Creo que voy a leerlo de nuevo, para refrescar la memoria. Además, leerlo en lengua original, será por cierto diverso.



Buena lectura a todos!


domenica 30 gennaio 2011

From Australia with joy – thank you Nole, you made my day!

Dear diary,

It’s a great day. A very special Sunday. I love Sundays because it’s the day when our family gets together, my dad is always on the road because of his work, we are all relaxed, we eat a lot I would say and we are so happy. While I was studying away from home, especially when I was in exchange programs in Russia and Hungary, I was often missing those Sunday lunches and the warmness of home. And today, as usual, our Sunday was so happy, so joyful, so memorable. Apparently a very normal Sunday, 30th of January, 2011.

I woke up quite early, even birds know that I like sleeping until late, especially on weekends, around 9 a.m. Mum walked in my room and told me that the coffee was ready and that she prepared the fresh orange juice I like so much. “There’s a warm brioche for breakfast, your favorite, with cream.” She said. The sun was shining although it was very, very cold, and it was enough for me to smile. I was sure that the day would be simply perfect, without any clouds and hopefully with good news. The tennis match we were waiting for, between our Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray, the Australian Open final, was about to start and I just couldn’t wait. I got dressed, washed my face and brushed teeth fast, and ran to the kitchen. I had breakfast quite quickly and soon the clock was showing the time. 9:30. I turned the TV on and receiver too, put it on the first Serbian state channel which was broadcasting live the match, and sit on my favorite chair. Everything was ready, except maybe for my neighbors who wasn’t expecting my morning shouting but I don’t care. It’s not my fault that they don’t have such a great tennis player. GO, NOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

It was the longest morning in these last weeks since the beginning of Australian Open but every minute was worth of living. It was great watching Murray getting angry, arguing with the line judge and his own staff. It was so joyful seeing Novak in action, winning the first, then the second set. At some point I thought that the match would last for hours, as it looked like a very nervous tennis player from Scotland, Andy Murray, was waking up and gaining some points. But, as we all know, the appearance might fool. Besides, he was not playing against some third rang tennis player, he was playing against the biggest and greatest tennis player of the world. The one and unique Novak Djokovic. The one who “destroyed” Roger Federer in the semi-finals with the great result 3:0. The same who won today, too, and with the same score. The one and only, the best Serbian sportsman ever, the winner, for the second time, of Australian Open. The one who makes me feel proud of being a Serbian citizen, currently living in Italy. Novak Nole Djokovic is his name and the world will hear speaking about him in the coming years.


Thank you Nole. You made my day and not only, you made a day of all Serbians all over the world. You are our pride and joy. Your speech today was so perfect, so emotional and I will remember this day for long time I believe. Thank you. Or better, HVALA.

giovedì 27 gennaio 2011

La Giornata della Memoria

Caro diario,

L’altra notte ebbi un sogno strano, davvero molto strano. Forse era solo un segno, o qualcosa del genere, e mi svegliai con una angoscia terribile. Sognai di essere una bambina con un vestito grigio a righe bianche e stavo in un luogo buoi dal quale intravedevo delle luci che giocavano. Delle ombre che si susseguirono, creando una specie di coperta che mi stava soffocando. Cercai di gridare, però era sempre più forte di me e mi toglieva il respiro. D’improvviso mi svegliai, ben coperta e al calore, e dalla finestra dalle persiane chiuse non per intero intravedevo delle luci che giocherellavano. Mi venne in mente in quel preciso instante una canzone, una melodia che conoscevo bene perché è la colona sonora del film “La vita è bella”che avevo rivisto qualche mese fa, forse perché quel sogno così irreale aveva provocato dei ricordi in me, e non solo del film. Mi ricordai quella sensazione orribile che provai quando a Budapest avevo visitato, insieme agli altri studenti stranieri che studiavano con me in Ungheria durante lo scambio studentesco, il museo dell’olocausto. Era una sensazione insopportabile, che mi fece scappare dal museo con il cuore in mano. Stavo piangendo quando Ferenc mi aveva raggiunta dicendomi che andavo tutto bene e che capiva. Disse che ero troppo sensibile però a quella mostra c’erano delle cose davvero forti per me che non supportavo il dolore che provavo, lo stesso che provai svegliandomi da quel brutto sogno che mi fece riflettere.

Ci sono delle cose che ricordiamo più, alcune meno, certe cose proprio lasciamo in un angolo sperduto del nostro cervello per non rincontrarle mai più. A volte ci sono delle cose brutte, che ci hanno ferito tanto o poco che evitiamo di proposito, e cose belle che ricordiamo ben volentieri. Esistono, però, le cose anche brutte, molto brutte e negative che non è facile mandare all’oblio, né dovremo mai farlo. Bisogna che le manteniamo ben conservate nella nostra memoria, e non solo oggi, ma tutti i giorni dell’anno, della nostra vita. Oggi il 27. gennaio, l’anno corrente 2011, un giovedì non qualsiasi. È una giornata dell’importanza storica, una giornata che bisogna celebrare non solo oggi ma anche tutti i 364 giorni che ci separano dal prossimo anniversario. È una giornata che ci ricorda degli orrori della seconda guerra mondiale, che ci fa risuonare nella testa le grida delle vittime, donne e bambini, dell’olocausto, dei campi del concentramento. È una giornata che celebra anche la vita, i sopravissuti che oggi possono testimoniare di quelle giornate buie e fredde che nessuno dovrebbe più vivere. È la Giornata della memoria, e per favore, non dimentichiamola mai.

lunedì 24 gennaio 2011

With all my heart and soul in Moscow

Dear diary,

I got up at the usual time. A new week has begun. It’s, still, Monday, January 24, 2011. The entire world will remember it as a black Monday, and I am not speaking about stocks, quotations, markets. Today, in a terrorist attack at the Moscow international airport Domodedovo, more than 30 men and women lost their lives. There are more than 100 casualties, among whom one Serbian citizen from a town near mine, Kragujevac. It’s a very sad day, for Russian people, and not only. It’s a very sad day for all people who are fed up with these mindless monsters who don’t care about the precious gift simply called life. They just care about their political game, their will, their never-ending war. We shouldn’t hate anyone, but I do hate them. I hate them because those people who died today, who died in other terrorist attacks among the world, I haven’t forgotten 11th September nor I will, haven’t deserved such an end. I hate them because they are cowards. The innocent people who died today, all victims, are not those with whom they are fighting. They don’t represent government, or have any guilt, except of those they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. I hate them because it’s not right to loose a life because of someone’s rage. But that’s how it goes. That’s a life. It sucks sometimes, but still it is precious and worth of living.

I wrote before to Anya, a Russian girl I meet in Hungary during my exchange program to express my sadness and condolences. I remembered that lovely town I stayed in for a month in 2003. I relived that 9th October of 2003, landing at the Moscow airport Sheremetyevo, and a news about an announced bomb attack that got to us. I saw in my mind the closed Red square, due to possible attack. I almost felt a Moscow breeze. I felt an immense sorrow while watching the TV news broadcasting live from Russia. I simple was there, although just for a second. And I couldn’t stop asking to myself in what kind of world we live in. In the world where we have to be afraid of those monsters who are hijacking airplanes, suicide oneself with damn bombs by killing other innocent people? That’s the world I dislike. Life is to be lived without any fear. What kind of world will we leave to our children? Hope the better one. And that is my tonight prayer.

I pray for those innocent people, victims of today’s Moscow terrorist attack. I pray for their families and beloved ones. I pray for those who survived. I pray for all of us, hoping to put an end, one day, to these monsters all over the world. It’s maybe a utopia. A dream that never will come true. But it costs nothing dreaming. One day that dream might become a reality.

Good night world. Спокойной ночи Москва.

mercoledì 19 gennaio 2011

Na Bogojavljensku noć

Dragi dnevniče,

Polako, skoro nečujnim koracima, padala je noć. Časovnik je otkucavao ponoć. Budio se novi dan. U dva grada, u dve države tako daleke a tako bliske, dve bliske drugarice, dve sestre povezane nevidljivim koncima emocija tako čvrstim, tako jakim, tako neopisivim, s nesprpljenjem su čekale da se kazaljke sklope. Sa napolja, hladan, planinski vazduh sa Dolomita ušuškavao je jednu od njih. Sa njenog prozora, u daljini nazirale su se planine, šćućurene jedna pored druge kao dve stare prijateljice koje se grle po prvi put nakon dugog vremena. Zvona obližnje crkve oglasila su se dvanaest puta. Stigao je, kao i uvek tačno na vreme i kao i uvek bila je spremna da ga pozdravi, pomoli se šaputajući u sebi staru, jednom davno naučenu molitvu, u znak zahvalnosti što je, tog istog dana, davne 1984. godine, pustila prve korake par nedelja nakon što je ugasila četri svećice na rođendanskoj torti. I druga devojka je bila na prozoru, baš kako su se prethodnih dana dogovorile, sa jednom molbom, željom njoj tako bitnom na usnama. Jedan mali ritual, koji ih je pored mnogo drugih stvari spajao, ritual koji će, obećale su jedna drugoj, ponavljati svake godine, ma gde bile, u isto vreme. Sa blaženim osmehom obe devojke su, jedna u Trentu, druga u Beogradu, otišle na spavanje. Dan koji je bio pred njima, obema je bio veoma bitan, svakoj na svoj način. Taj 19. Januar, leta gospodnjeg 2011, pravoslavni praznik Bogojavljenje.

Kako brzo je pala noć, tom istom brzinom osvanulo je jutro. Dok se jedna užurbano spremala za veoma bitni sastanak, druga se polako budila sa mislima o prethodnoj noći, o jutru koje je svanulo i o tome što je za nju i njenu porodicu predstavljao taj dan. Poželela je svu sreću putem sms-a njenoj dragoj drugarici, seki kako su obe jedna drugu zvale, i ušuškana u zagrljaj ćebeta i prekrivača, krenula je u jednu kraću šetnju baštom svojih sećanja. Skoro da je mogla da zamisli svoju majku Veru, ženu duge kose, u kuhinji njihovog starog stana u Vrnjačkoj banji kako ispušta tanjir iz svojih drhtavih ruku, ugledavši kovrdžavu, buckastu curicu od četri godine kako joj ide u susret svojim prvim, nesigurnim koracima. Kao da je čula njen vrisak, njen uzdah neverice. Nije znala da li su to bila prava sećanja, ili su bila plod njene imaginacije slušajući majčinu priču vezanu za taj dan, ali njoj se činilo sve tako realnim. I neverica njenje majke, i sećanje na buđenja u sred noći jer majka nije mogla da veruje da je njena ćerka prohodala posle četri duge godine. Prošlost koja se mešala sa sadašnjošću, sa mislima koje su letele u prestonicu Srbije, dok je sa nestrpljenjem čekala da zazvoni mobilni koje čvrsto držala u rukama, zajedno sa medaljonom presvete Bogorodice koji je dobila od prijateljice Marije iz rodnog Kraljeva. I onda je telefon zazvonio. Konačno. Bila je to njena drugarica, njena seka, čiji je glas nosio dobre vesti kojima su se obe nadale. Kako je tako malo potrebno da bismo bili srećni, pomislila je dok se opraštala sa Jelenom. Podigla je roletne, pogledala kroz prozor, i samo prošaputala ono kratko, standardno, jednostavno. Hvala.

Kako sve to znam, dragi moj dnevniče? Znam. Biće to Bogojavljenska noć koju ćemo, sigurna sam, i Jelena i ja dugo pamtiti jer nam se obema dogodilo nešto lepo i veoma bitno na ovaj dan. Još jedan znak da smo zaista seke, kaže ona, a ja ne mogu a da se ne složim.

Ljubim puno, najpunije što bi ona rekla, moju najdražu seku. I veoma sam srećna zbog nje. Zašto? Jeste da si ti moj dnevnik, ali postoje tajne koje se ne otkrivaju.

domenica 16 gennaio 2011

Benvenuti al mondo

Caro diario,

Abbiamo iniziato questo anno nuovo proprio bene, con un sorriso grande, con la gioia nel cuore e tanto amore verso noi stessi e la gente che ci circonda; con la felicità che ci da un nuovo inizio, una notizia bella, una novità. E per me non c'è la gioia più grande di quella che ci da la nascita di un bimbo, di un angioletto che con le sue manine piccoline ci tocca il cuore e l'anima. Né credo ci sia la felicità più grande per una donna di quella quando vede per la prima volta la sua creatura che ha portato in grembo per ben nove mesi. La gioia enorme che deve aver provato mia mamma vedendomi venire al mondo e che forse, se Dio lo vorrà, io stessa proverò un giorno. Quella emozione indescrivibile che devono aver sentito due donne speciali che nel corso di questi dieci anni della mia vita italiana ho avuto l'immenso piacere di incontrare sulla mia strada. Una italiana, e una ungherese. Una che conobbi a Gorizia, ai tempi dell'università, la cara Giulia cui sorriso credo porterò per sempre nel mio cuore. L'altra ungherese, conosciuta all'epoca dello scambio studentesco, la carissima Delinke, detta Delcsi, che invece di insegnarmi l'ungherese, uno di suoi compiti come coordinatrice, mi fece parlare sempre in italiano. Scherzi a parte, anche se la vita ci ha allontanato, entrambe queste neo-mamme mi sono e saranno per sempre care. Ma non volevo parlarti, caro diario mio, di queste due straordinarie giovani donne. No. Ho qualcos'altro nella mente.

Vorrei augurare una vita lunga e piena di gioie, una vita serena e in buona salute, una vita all'insegna dell'amore e della pace a questi due angioletti. Spero che il mondo che gli lasceremmo in eredità sarà un mondo migliore, senza le guerre inutili, senza l'odio razziale, un mondo dove l'essere bambino avrà un valore. Un mondo in cui i bambini non faranno i grandi prima di doverlo diventare per forza, avendo l'età giusta. Un mondo dove nessuno sfrutterà più i minori. Un mondo dove i valori come la famiglia, l'amicizia, l'amore avranno un significato più forte di quello di adesso, spesso sottovalutato. Un mondo in cui la pace non sarà solo un dono prezioso ma una cosa reale. Un mondo perfetto che forse non esiste però vale la pena cercare di crearlo.

Benvenuti al mondo cari angioletti miei, cara Giorgia e caro Matyi! Che Dio vi protegga e benedica! Tanti auguri alle vostre mamme, ai vostri papà, ai vostri nonni, anche se so di essere un po' in ritardo. Perdonatemi.

Buona notte! Che Dio ci protegga tutti ma soprattutto i bambini, quelli che conosciamo e che non abbiamo mai conosciuto. Anche noi una volta eravamo bambini. Un bambino c'è ancora dentro di noi, il bambino che forse troppo spesso dimentichiamo ma c'è e ci tiene d'occhio.

giovedì 13 gennaio 2011

New Year resolution(s)

Dear diary,

Tomorrow is the New Year's Eve. No, I'm not crazy, nor there is some time machine hidden in my garden. There were moments that I dreamed of having one, but this is not such a moment, I can assure you. Ok, some of you might tell me that I've been blind, or simply 'look at your calendar you have one don't you'? Yes, I have one and it says: January, 12th, 2011. So? If today is 12th January, how is it possible that is the New Year's Eve? Oh, it's quite possible, trust me. Well, I don't want you to send me to some shrink, or something like this, so, let me clear something very important. I am feeling great, never been better, and tomorrow is 13th, luckily Thursday and not Friday because I'm a bit superstitious, January. In another words, we have a so-called Orthodox New Year, still celebrated in my home country Serbia, so, as you can see, I haven't lied. And as every New Year that has to be respected, my New Year has its own resolution list.

Today I was particularly full of energy, positive thoughts and plans for this 2011. I haven't felt like this for long time and it's kind of strange but great feeling. I wrote my concise but nice text on Vanessa Paradis for Wannabe magazine, at least there I'm following certain page rules and don't "talk" much as I usually do here on my blog and in private life as well, I cooked my favorite dish (I became such a big chef trust me). It was the ordinary but quite happy day. As I began this year with some new plans and wishes, and with some extra kilos too, in order to keep on mind everything (I'm getting old and I might forget) I had to create this list that is called 'New Year resolution'. So:

  1. Be happy. Be healthy. Be me always. Be in.. how was that word beginning with l? That emotional word. I can't recall it now but you know what I mean, right?
  2. Find a decent job that makes me happy. And some money too, it can't hurt, no?
  3. Spend more time with people I love, family and friends.
  4. Travel more. Visit Barcelona. Going back to Paris. Visit Ljilja in Strasbourg maybe, and Sanja in Vienna. Switzerland and UK are also waiting for me. Latin America can wait. For now. (How modest I am.)
  5. Going back to Serbia: Kraljevo, Belgrade and Novi Sad. (It's been such a long time, more than a year, since my last visit. )
  6. Write a new book. (I'm already working on new project. )
  7. Lose some extra kilos I gained during all these festivities. (I've already put a word DIET in my agenda, starting from January 15th. )


That's all. For now. If I remember something to be added, I'll update this list. Probably in 2012.

See you around people! Happy New Year, again. Or better, SREĆNA NOVA GODINA.

lunedì 10 gennaio 2011

Bye – bye 2010! Welcome 2011!

Dear diary,

The first week of 2011 has already gone. We celebrated the New Year's Eve, the beginning of 2011th circle of 365 days, the Orthodox Christmas is over too. We are again at the beginning. It's the new and fresh start for all of us. One long and intense decade is over. My Italian decade of life is finished, too. Time runs so quickly, passing by as an old friend, the good old friend of ours who shows us who and what we were, who and what we are, who and what we may become one day. Time which is so precious and it's not to be wasted uselessly. It seems yesterday when I decided to create this blog and almost one year passed since then, since that February day when I began this blogging adventure. Yes, indeed, time is really running so, so, fast.

This was a very strange year, this 2010 we said good-bye to on 1st January. One year, 12 months, 365 days of happiness, joy, sadness and sorrow. A mix of feelings, memories, events, meetings, new and old friends and family members around, good and bad moments. It was the extremely tough year for me, one of those that everyone would like to forget, but I will remember it as the year that gave me some very important life lessons. Although there were so many negative moments, so many tears and sad thoughts, a lot of confusion and crisis I had to pass through, I finally realized who I was, who and what I am today, who and what I would like to become one day. I realized that no matter how much the life might be hard, it's worth of living it in every single moment. I understood that all these negative moments I've lived actually gave me the right input to go on, to fight against my own fears. I finally, although it was such a long road, managed to leave behind my past, to accept myself the way I am, and not to look back but only forward. I became conscious of myself, I stopped ignoring my health problems no matter how small or big they are. I finally can take a look of myself in the mirror and say: "I like what I see. I like every single part of my face, that big brown eyes and nose, and cheeks, even those irregular teeth." I understood that the past can't be changed but that I can live with it without any problem. Nor I can go back and start the university from the beginning and maybe change the subjects I was interested in then. I don't want to deny my "international, diplomatic and Balkan studies" roots, but I also can't abandon the biggest passion of my life which is writing. I may try to connect both areas without going into depression again because of the sense of guilt. I don't want to be again in situation to ask myself: "What would have happened if I didn't choose the international relations field of studies ten years ago?" Everything what I've done in this decade, I've done consciously and in line with my own desires and interests. I also realized that is so stupid isolating myself every time I have problems and I apologize to my friends for constant and frequent silence in 2010. I decided to leave behind not only negative moments but also negative people to whom I was listening maybe too much during these last 12 months.

I want to start this 2011 remembering all these things I learned about my own "I". I want to be surrounded only by dear and precious people that make my life perfect, my mum and dad, my close relatives in Serbia, my old friends that I maybe neglected to much during my black moments like Ljiljana, Katarina and Danijela, or my Italian close friends like Alessandra, Fabiola, Clara and Francesca Piana, or my Belgrade friends, so many of them to be all mentioned. I haven't forgotten my dearest friend Piermario, whose help and support was so important for me during last year, and I will be always grateful to him for being always that kind and patient. It's like a brother for me, the brother I've never had. And of course there is also Jelena, my adopted sister, moja seka, mi hermanita, whose counsels are so precious to me. And Simge, my Turkish sister who is always present, even if we don't speak for weeks, I know that she is there. I want to start this 2011th road of life with a smile, remembering positive moments of last year. The Alessandra's graduation ceremony, for example. Such a perfect day. Or meeting with Edwige and Lydie and their kids. Or those spring days when my Croatian friend Denis visited me. Or all these family gatherings with my relatives who live here in Italy as well, and the perfect Catholic Christmas day we spent all together in Trento. I want to remember the special autumn week when my aunt Jela from Serbia came to visit us, and of course the summer days when we moved to the new flat in via Schmid. I ended 2010 in a great way, Piermario and his wife Francesca finally came from the UK and paid me a visit on 30th December. It's a traditional December meeting that is going on for 3 years, I believe. Fabiola also joined us, although she was very late as usual. I also will remember this last year just passed by as the year of opportunities, as Jelena T. made me realized how much writing was important to me, since she believed in my writing skills and for some time, thanks to her, I can gladly play with words and be creative at the "Wannabe magazine". I will put all moments of 2010, good and bad they were, I deliberately avoided to mention negative aspects of 2010 as the Kraljevo earthquake because just remember of it makes me sad, in the corner of my soul, and open officially the 2011 book of life.

Bye – bye 2010. We are heading together, step by step, towards the future. Where ever this road may take us. It's the time to look forward. The time of change. The time for new starts, new ideas and new dreams. The time for old and new friends, the old and new horizons. The time to enjoy the life, to think positively and to face the new challenges. Let's start this new circle of 12 months and something less than 365 days. Welcome 2011! Please, be better than the previous one. Don't let us down. Paolo Fox says that it's the great year for all Sagittarius people and I believe him. What? You haven't heard about Mr. Fox? Doesn't really matter. Just be the perfect year that I've been waited for too long. I don't ask more.

Good – night my dear friends, where ever you may be now. HAPPY NEW YEAR! May this 2011 bring us together more often. This is my 2011 wish.

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